


Disinterest

by thegreatandpowerfultoaster



Series: Found Family [4]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Avoiding talking about it is not the answer, F/F, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-26 00:38:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16671436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatandpowerfultoaster/pseuds/thegreatandpowerfultoaster
Summary: Miranda tries to apologize to Shepard, who is unfortunately not interested in listening.





	Disinterest

~~~~

Why? Why is she doing this right now, especially when they're just hours away from a Collector ship and Shepard has a job to do? She can't spend another long while thinking about that night up in her cabin when-Ugh, see there she goes again.

If she had a hard time not thinking about spending time with Lawson before, then the last 72 hours had been a while new level of difficult. And that of course had to include the time spent saving her twin sister. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

Hopefully that was what she wanted to talk about, rather than the Incident. Neither could afford attachments on the mission they were on, and besides, Miranda had made her disinterest plenty clear.

Shepard shakes herself out of her own thoughts to look up at her XOs bright blue eyes. She managed to look happier than Shepard has ever seen her, that's for sure. "Do you need something, Lawson?"

"Yes, I'd like a minute of your time when you've got one."

She tells her that right now is fine (She's just sending her first email since her miraculous resurrection to her mother, who she's never been fond of anyways. Even after putting it off for weeks she knew she had to address the situation sometime. Talking at least gives her another excuse to put it off, although she's not sure which is worse: Facing her mother or Miranda). And that she isn't doing anything important.

Miranda shifts her stance for a moment before sitting down at the table, not even bothering to glance at Shepard's datapad, knowing that she'll see it later.

"I wanted to thank you. For helping my sister, and for convincing me to speak to her. I think it made me feel better about the whole thing, at least."

"I was glad to help," she says and that is complete truth. Shepard felt that her worst weakness by far was that she was willing to help even when there were far more pressing matters. "Are you going to keep in touch?"

"I don't know. I'd like to, but I don't want to endanger her, or complicate things. May I speak freely Commander?"

it's a funny question coming from her but Shepard still doesn't laugh. When doesn't she speak freely? She nods. "Go ahead."

There's a pause, long enough that Shepard can guess what she's going to say and dread it long before the words pass her lips. "It doesn't have to be awkward, you know."

Of course not. For Miranda, at least because she clearly feels absolutely nothing. But every time shepard looks at her she can still feel her hands, her lips on her's...so maybe its best if it is awkward, just so that she can remind herself what's off limits.

But she just nods, which leads Miranda to continue. "I mean, neither of us were exactly thinking straight," ( _'Haha,'_  Shepard thinks. _'Bad pun, she kissed a girl'_ ). "And it isn't like we have time for that sort of thing even if we got along enough to be friends. But I'd still like to know if you're doing alright."

"I'm fine. Better than I was, at least. Was that all?"

They both know she isn't fine by any stretch of the imagination, but Miranda doesn't push it. Shepard really doesn't want to think of the issues she's been having, so that's a small victory.

And furthermore, now is the time where Miranda can make it perfectly clear of her disinterest, or just go, even. But fate isn't that kind, and she almost looks sheepish.

"About the other night..."

"What about it? " Shepard cuts in sharply. "I was under the impression that it was simply a mistake between two people that were not quite thinking clear at the time."

The slight sheepishness quickly fades back into her usual hard expression. "If you didn't want me to bring it up, you could just said so. I was going to apologize. "

She frowns. "I don't want your apology."  _I want you, damnit Miranda._

It shouldn't be this hard. It

Feelings shouldn't be this hard and the sad way Miranda looks at her isn't making anything easier. Shepard nearly throws her datapad, but ends up only tightening her hold on it and quickly standing up. "I should go. EDI, let me know when we reach the Collector ship. Lock my door until then."

She heard someone call her name being her,  _her first name_ called out without even the decency to put anger behind it, just a desperate,  _"Jane, wait!"_ And for a second she manages to wonder why Miranda would bother with it, it she isn't going to sound upset about it, but there's no time to think about that when she's back in her room, and calling her mother.

That answers her previous question, she supposes. She'd much rather face her mother than her XO.


End file.
